Impressions

Kalkaska in Northern Michigan. The February sky heavy alabaster. The clouds low and pewtry. If you could throw a snowball high eonugh it would *thud *against them.

A two-lane highway cuts through barren farmland on the way up to Hemingway country, Not exactly the middle of nowhere but the nowhere between two somewheres. There, just off the dirt road a white cross. On it crimson and yellow flowers, humming defiant against the deadpale farmland.

The person who lays these flowers drives to the florist on the morning of the anniversary. They drive out out to the crash site and they listen to the song. They hang the flowers on the cross and exhale thin into the still air. How long do they wait before they turn back to the car. Is the drive home silent?

Did they both want to get out of their small town? How long do you have to repeat the ritual before God gets your point?

As dour as that all sounds, it’s a rather stirring tune, I think! One meant to be listened to—scream-sung along to—while driving. Preferably on the back roads.

I set out to write a survival guide about making it out of your 20s. It felt like we had to start with the youngest, most naive, most sentimental and romantic characters but put them at that point when they both realize they have to leave home.

Growing up is figuring out what parts of home you're going to be bring with you. Growing up is learning you won't be able to do that.

So much of the music that changed my life found me on road trips through the Midwest. Those albums are full of ghosts now. Some nights, when the moon’s right and the roads clear, I put them on, and their old ghosts speak to me in ways they did back then.

I wanted to speak to those younger selves, who haven’t yet realized they’ll never really lose themselves again. Instead: Sometimes when I play this song the ghosts of those younger selves speak to me.

"I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not." - Joan Didion

Production

Moving from extreme close-up to widescreen panorama. Ethereal-into-grounded. Wallflowers "One Headlight" zooming out to a moonsilvered soundscape of Doves, Radiohead, Hey Rosetta, Sufjan Stevens.